Post by Reikas Esterion on Nov 25, 2011 15:28:56 GMT -5
Hey guys, QC here. So I've got some news. I think I'm going to take a hiatus from the site. I was thinking about it last night, and I came to several realizations, in no particular order, that led to this decision.
I don't feel welcome anymore. I've had some public disagreements with some people, some not-so-private disagreements with them, and now it feels like the Cbox falls silent and awkward whenever I make an appearance. I no longer feel like a part of this community, and I feel like my presence is actively disliked by the those people. That hardly makes for a comfortable writing experience.
I feel like Reikas has become a Gary-Stu, a "perfect character," and he obviously bothers a few people, leads a life without any consequence for a powerless slave, and has a messed-up history anyway with the recent shortened span for the demon wars. I have lost muse for him practically overnight, I no longer feel comfortable playing him, and I feel like he's even less welcome than I am. He really seems too perfect, he just breezes in and has the perfect, carefree life. His mistress was gone, but now I don't even feel comfortable asking Belial to take him in. I feel like a divide came between me and Suzu and I no longer feel comfortable even having Reikas as a part of the Belial-Zadkiel dynamic.
And not to mention, dropping and restarting a thread really derailed me. When someone loses muse for a thread I'm in, it feels like a personal failure, like I wasn't able to entertain my partners with my posts or my character.
And I no longer feel comfortable writing smut, anyway. Between the Update aimed mostly at me, the censors I have to jump through hoops to get around, the constant warnings to not do this despite my suggestions to have a completely hidden board, it feels difficult just to write good posts. And especially with the things Suzu and Ren have told me about themselves, I have become painfully aware of the falsity of my writings anyway and my lack of experience while writing replies. I don't feel right interacting with these characters anymore, like Reikas will make a mistake he shouldn't have because of QC's inexperience, and my partners willnotice. Everything just feels false and forced now, like I don't have the knowledge to play the character the way he deserves to be played.
So I guess TL;DR: I don't feel welcome, Reikas doesn't feel like a plausible character, and I don't feel genuine in what I'm writing.
So I don't know how long this hiatus will last. I'll probably finish up the thread with Diana and that'll be the end of it for a while. Suzu, please forgive me for jerking you around like this, but maybe we can just put the Reikas-Belial thing on hold or something.
I think what I'll do is have Irina take Reikas on an extended, unexpected vacation or something set at the same time Abby was at Belial's house, just to explain his absence, and allow you guys to continue on in realtime without him. I don't know when Diana's thread will have occurred, maybe before Reikas met Belial, Reikas' personal timeline has really gotten soupy and fallen apart, anyway.
It probably will mean he won't make an appearance in the sitewide party thread if that even ever becomes a thing. too. I know some of you may have been looking forward to that. Sorry guys. I just can't stick around and force myself to post when I don't feel welcome and my character doesn't feel right anymore.
I don't feel welcome anymore. I've had some public disagreements with some people, some not-so-private disagreements with them, and now it feels like the Cbox falls silent and awkward whenever I make an appearance. I no longer feel like a part of this community, and I feel like my presence is actively disliked by the those people. That hardly makes for a comfortable writing experience.
I feel like Reikas has become a Gary-Stu, a "perfect character," and he obviously bothers a few people, leads a life without any consequence for a powerless slave, and has a messed-up history anyway with the recent shortened span for the demon wars. I have lost muse for him practically overnight, I no longer feel comfortable playing him, and I feel like he's even less welcome than I am. He really seems too perfect, he just breezes in and has the perfect, carefree life. His mistress was gone, but now I don't even feel comfortable asking Belial to take him in. I feel like a divide came between me and Suzu and I no longer feel comfortable even having Reikas as a part of the Belial-Zadkiel dynamic.
And not to mention, dropping and restarting a thread really derailed me. When someone loses muse for a thread I'm in, it feels like a personal failure, like I wasn't able to entertain my partners with my posts or my character.
And I no longer feel comfortable writing smut, anyway. Between the Update aimed mostly at me, the censors I have to jump through hoops to get around, the constant warnings to not do this despite my suggestions to have a completely hidden board, it feels difficult just to write good posts. And especially with the things Suzu and Ren have told me about themselves, I have become painfully aware of the falsity of my writings anyway and my lack of experience while writing replies. I don't feel right interacting with these characters anymore, like Reikas will make a mistake he shouldn't have because of QC's inexperience, and my partners willnotice. Everything just feels false and forced now, like I don't have the knowledge to play the character the way he deserves to be played.
So I guess TL;DR: I don't feel welcome, Reikas doesn't feel like a plausible character, and I don't feel genuine in what I'm writing.
So I don't know how long this hiatus will last. I'll probably finish up the thread with Diana and that'll be the end of it for a while. Suzu, please forgive me for jerking you around like this, but maybe we can just put the Reikas-Belial thing on hold or something.
I think what I'll do is have Irina take Reikas on an extended, unexpected vacation or something set at the same time Abby was at Belial's house, just to explain his absence, and allow you guys to continue on in realtime without him. I don't know when Diana's thread will have occurred, maybe before Reikas met Belial, Reikas' personal timeline has really gotten soupy and fallen apart, anyway.
It probably will mean he won't make an appearance in the sitewide party thread if that even ever becomes a thing. too. I know some of you may have been looking forward to that. Sorry guys. I just can't stick around and force myself to post when I don't feel welcome and my character doesn't feel right anymore.
